Well, it has been an incredibly long time since I have written an opinion post on such a controversial topic, and frankly, I'm a little intimidated to do so. Let me preface by saying that this is in no way a self-righteous judgement on anyone who has read this book and plans to see the movie. I am not looking down upon or shaking my finger at anyone. I'm far from perfect when it comes to entertainment choices and have my own "guilty pleasures" that I watch that sometimes call for the side eye from my husband as the cue to turn the channel (Big Brother fans, anyone?) So know that first. Because I get it. I do. I consider myself a hopeless romantic - always have- and I will be the first one to tell you that stories of attraction and passion in the most unexpected places are incredibly appealing to me. So I get the alluring aspect of this story. In fact, I'm kind of surprised I haven't picked the book up by now, curious to see what's inside. I'm right there with you, so know that as I write this. And honestly, I can't say for certain that I know what this story is completely about, because I haven't read the book.
But I did see the movie trailer.
And after much thought and prayer, I'm writing this to my Christian sisters not as a lecture, but more as a plea for us to really sit and think about the content of this movie before we run to the theaters to see it. To pray about it. To talk to our husbands about it. Because I love you and I am afraid that this story is a very simple, yet very elaborate ploy to turn our hearts away from God.
Here is why I am personally choosing not to watch this movie:
5. The plot sounds kind of evil. Did you know that the author of this book considers herself a BDSM writer? That stands for bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism. Sadism is defined as sexual gratification by causing pain or degrading others. The enjoyment of being cruel. Masochism is defined as sexual gratification by suffering pain or humiliation. Yeah. Doesn't sound so appealing anymore, does it? The verse that comes to mind is Philippians 2:3: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves". Of course, Paul is talking about being one in Christ here in the context, not about a sexual relationship, but I definitely think that we can still apply it to how He would want our intimate relationship to go with our spouses based on other scriptures as well. I will get more into that in number 3. But for those of you that have daughters, think about your little girls. Would you be pleased knowing that your daughter was in a sadistic relationship? That she was being humiliated, degraded and put in pain for the sexual gratification of a man? Then why should we support this message for our own pleasure?
Since writing this post, I have come across an article by someone who has actually read the book and gives 50 abusive examples from this book. Here are just a few:
He responds: "You are coming back to my apartment even if I have to drag you there by your hair."
Christian warns her: "If you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday."
Ana tells him that she doesn't want sex and would rather talk. "'No,' I protest, kicking him off." ..he replies with these words: "If you struggle, I'll tie your feet, too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you. Keep quiet." "Quite frankly, I'm looking forward to the next time my palm is ringing with pain. You're obviously not listening to the right part of your body. Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone - remember?"
Since writing this post, I have come across an article by someone who has actually read the book and gives 50 abusive examples from this book. Here are just a few:
He responds: "You are coming back to my apartment even if I have to drag you there by your hair."
Christian warns her: "If you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday."
Ana tells him that she doesn't want sex and would rather talk. "'No,' I protest, kicking him off." ..he replies with these words: "If you struggle, I'll tie your feet, too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you. Keep quiet." "Quite frankly, I'm looking forward to the next time my palm is ringing with pain. You're obviously not listening to the right part of your body. Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone - remember?"
4. While watching, our hearts are unguarded. He lays it out so simply for us: "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." -Philippians 4:8
Dwell on these things.
I'm pretty sure it is going to be hard for me to dwell on the things that are pure and honorable when I'm sitting for two hours in a movie watching two people be anything but pure and honorable toward each other, much less toward God. I've heard words used to describe this story as "pornography". Now, I can't say this for certain not having read the book, but with the definition of pornography in mind you can't help but think that maybe they are right. Pornography: "printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings." Yep, sounds like pornography to me. So let's think about it - if this story weren't so sugar coated by those who are selling it and the people who enjoy this lifestyle, there would be a drastic decrease in fans. Instead of saying "come on friends, Christian sisters, mothers of young girls ... let's go see this movie about an unusual and steamy romance" try saying - "come on friends, Christian sisters, mothers of young girls ... let's go watch pornography." Changes the dynamic a little, no?
3. Our sexual desires need to be for our husbands out of love and humility. So that brings me to the relationship with our husbands, for those of us that are married. God created sex to be a beautiful and spiritual act between a husband and a wife. We all know that. We all agree. It is something that we use to show selflessness and adoration to our spouses while also being something that is glorifying and pleasing to God. And don't get me wrong, I totally know the desire to light a little spark in your marriage. Trust me, two babies age three and under ... long hours at my husbands job ... I mean, some days it takes more than a spark. Some days I think it would take a barrel of gasoline and a blowtorch to help light our fire at this point in our lives. Ha. But here's the thing. When life gets like that we turn to the Word, not to the World. There is nothing, NOTHING more attractive in this world than hearing my husband pray, or read our kids a Bible story, or watch his face light up when he talks about the missionary journeys. I've had to realize that reading about someone else's love story doesn't really do anything for mine. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe there is anything wrong with a good chick flick, a love song, etc. I'm a sucker for a good love song. But by reading stories and watching movies like 50 Shades of Grey, seeds of discontent get sown almost unrecognizably in our hearts. Contentment and joy in our marriages are NOT going to be found there. If anything, any joy and satisfaction we feel with our spouses gets very quickly robbed by reading just a chapter in a terrible story like this.
Also, think about how you would feel if your husband came home from work on Valentine's Day, handed you a card and said - "I'll make it up to you later, babe. I'm going with a big group of my guy friends to watch pornography. .... Love you". Umm.. no thanks. We wouldn't want our husbands to do it to us, so why is it ok for us to do that to them?
4. "How dare we be entertained by the things that sent Christ to the Cross?" I first saw this quote while in college at the house of one of my now, dear friends. An amazing lady that is, to me, the epitome of a Godly woman. Not only does this sweet lady have the Word of God written on her heart, but she lives it out in everything she does. This quote has always stuck with me. It is so true. Every day when I wake up, I vow (though I often fail) to live my life in a way that is pleasing and acceptable to God. I want the things that break God's heart to break mine too. That is my prayer. Yet, when it comes to entertainment in this day and age, it is so easy to forget this and put other things before God. I know it is cliche`, but really think about it ... if you knew that our Lord was returning on February 15th (the day after this movie is set to release), would you spend your night before watching something like this? I know I wouldn't. Our hearts should break for the lives that this movie will effect in a negative way.
5. This isn't a love story. It is anything but. Come on, ladies. We are followers of Christ. We know what a true love looks like. Love is patient, kind, ... it is not proud. It doesn't, under any circumstances, hurt or humiliate another person for personal gain. The ultimate example of love in our lives was SELFLESS.
So I ask you today, ... before you reschedule your Valentine's dinner with your husband to another day so you can be at the theater to get your tickets, or before you grab a group of your best single girlfriends and head to see this movie, remember what love is. Remember the desire you have to please God and your husband and be an example for your children. So maybe you read the book, but here is your chance to change your mind about this story. This is OUR time to stand up as women of God and say "no, Hollywood. I refuse to give in to pornography because you make it the "cool thing."
I will NOT be going to see any part of this 3 part movie. It's time to make a stand for a REAL love story.
One that doesn't have any more parts to it, because it is finished.
Amen! Thank you for sharing this. It is so well expressed. Women are the ones who need to put their foot down on the loose morals of our day including the way women dress. Young
ReplyDeletewomen of America need to realize the responsibility they (we) all have to take back modesty! It is appalling the way young women dress so seductively revealing far too much!
Sounds like this was written by a real PRUDE, her poor husband!! Most women probably NEED to see this movie, so they know what men really want and need and so they can give it to them instead of husbands straying and looking for it elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteHi "Anonymous", are you a man or woman because I can't tell by your comment...?? I guess you missed the point of my post. The point is that by going to see this movie, we are basically already committing adultery in our hearts (Matt 5:28), so to say that this movie is the answer to prevent adultery doesn't make much sense to me, but I appreciate you posting your opinion, either way. And who are we really learning "what they want" by seeing this movie? A creep who likes to humiliate women through sex? Not a loving, selfless Christian man like my husband is. I learn what he wants in the bedroom by COMMUNICATION. Furthermore, I find your first sentence pretty comical. I'm a very passionate, Italian woman who just happens to be faithful in every way to my husband. Believe me, he's not hurting for anything. ;-)
DeleteAnything that turns you away from a non-existent, vindictive & fictional Imaginary Diety is a GOOD THING!!!
ReplyDeleteWe obviously believe on opposite ends of the spectrum, Richard, so I guess I am puzzled as to why you would even take the time out of your day to comment on a young Christian women's blog post addressed to women? I'm sure you are a nice guy with a lot of great qualities and I respect the fact that you stand for what you truly believe. All I can tell you is, I believe wholeheartedly that you are wrong. "But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in heaven." Matt 10:33. Thanks for the comment, though.
DeleteTHE STUPID!!! IT BUUURRRRRRNNNNSSS!!!
ReplyDeleteCheck out the book Pulling Back the Shades by Dr. Juli Slatery. Excellent resources that explains the longings and desire of women to be sexual and spiritual and how that can be realized in marriage between husband and wife. The web site authentic intimacy also has great resources and study entitled passion pursuit to help women embrace you can be spiritual and sexual at same time and that God designed sex to be hot and passionate but the world has twisted and distorted pain as pleasure and made it a self centered pursuit.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rachele! I definitely will.
DeleteSo, it appears this movie is a conspiracy to turn people away from God. You can take ANYTHING and make it ungodly. I have always found it ironic how Christians pick and choose things out of the bible for their own convenience. You quote several scriptures and that is fine. What about the one's where you aren't supposed to remarry unless your spouse dies. Yeah, you can get a divorce but that doesn't mean you can get remarried. How many of you go to churches where a woman is the pastor? That is against the rules too. I could go on and on.
ReplyDeleteThis is the way I see this. What two adult people do in privacy is just that: Private. Which means, none of my business. If we spent half the time working on ourselves as we do worrying what others do; this world would be a better place. So instead of worrying if someone is watching this movie or not, why don't you just focus on you and your life.
I also hate how some Christians pick and choose things out of the Bible for their own convenience, you are spot on! And as a member of Christ's church, I also believe that you should not marry after a divorce (except for sexual immorality - Matt 5:32), and that you should not have women pastors (1 Cor 14:34).. so yeah, so far we are on the same page. And I also agree, what people do as far as intimacy should be PRIVATE. Not on a movie screen. Besides the fact that it goes against my spiritual beliefs, it is also promoting violence against women. Malaysia has banned the movie there because of the sadistic message it sends. If only we could be that intelligent here. Instead, we choose to self destruct. By this movie being a hit in theaters, it will cause more movies like this to be released so that someone can fill their pockets, all while my daughter's generation will have to deal with the acceptance of violence against women. So by "caring if someone watches this movie or not" , I'm actually caring about my daughter and her future. Thanks for your comment, though.
DeleteI'm sorry to tell you that violence to women is going to happen whether or not it is betrayed in some movie. One thing I really detest about Christianity is how women are treated like pieces of property rather than human beings. Less than 100 years ago women were not allowed to vote. Believe it or not this country happens to be improving it's views on how women should be treated. This isn't the first movie which portrays violence toward women not will it be the last. The best thing you can do for your daughter is to teach her she is strong and worthy. That she doesn't need a man to define her. Teach her she is not a piece of property. Therefore, you really should not let her read the Bible. Have you ever seen the stories in there. Sex with brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers. Violence galore. How can you be against this book when the Bible has some of the most torrid stories to tell? Just wondering?
DeleteSo do you think that I should "be against" a history book because it talks about slavery? And "be against" reporters memoirs because they interview murders and write what they learn in a book? The Bible has awful stories in it of what happened in the past. It isn't glorifying the events that happened. Just like a history book doesn't glorify slavery. This 50 Shades, however, IS glorifying this type of behavior. It isn't seen as abuse, it is seen as sexy and loving. So you are comparing apples to oranges in my opinion. But you are right, there will always be domestic violence I'm afraid. My worry is that we live in a generation now where young girls care more about what the Kardashians are eating for breakfast than they do their own self worth. Movies like this will only show them the glorification of something that is terrible and harmful. I will raise my daughter to believe that a man doesn't define her, but I also don't want her growing up in a world where she is the only one who does. Thanks for your comments.
DeleteFirst off I want you to know I completely respect your decision not to see this movie. I do have one question. How is this movie any different than all the other movies in Hollywood that have sexual content in them? As far as what the bible says I do believe fornication is a sin whether it is "normal" or bdsm style. You also stated that bdsm is a sadist and masochist act. Masochism is getting pleasure from being in a humiliating subservient role, I do believe the woman would have to agree to be in this role and she also would derive pleasure from it as well. If two consenting adults who both like and derive pleasure from a certain sexual act agree to the act, then how is this considered abuse? I think because bdsm is still considered taboo people are looking at this film with a different set of lenses than other movies. Why was Friends with Benefits or Ted never talked about like this one? I do believe in the eyes of God those movies are just as bad and no Christians stood up and boycotted those films. Or not on as big of scale.
ReplyDeleteHi! Thank you for your comments. I think your question is very legitimate. How is this movie different than the other movies that have sexual content in them? You're right. It is no different. You mention Friends With Benefits and Ted. I've never seen those movies, but I can assume what "friends with benefits" is about. The reason I have never seen them is because well, my husband and I don't see 95% of the movies that come out. I agree that the ones with vulgar/perverted themes are all on the same playing level. We use a website called "Plugged In Online" to tell us what offensive material is in the movie before we ever even consider seeing it. The reason why I focused on this movie in my post is because lately I have been very disheartened to hear that some of my friends and sisters in Christ read the book and were planning on seeing the movie. They make a very admirable firm stance to not watch other vulgar movies, so to hear that this one gets a free pass took me by surprise. This post was originally to discuss this movie with my very few followers (friends and family) and somehow the post started to spread like wildfire through cyber space. In fact, the view count is now close to 8,500. While I think it is great that this is making more than just my followers think about the movie content, you also have to understand that I wrote it with a purpose. Not to single it out among a whole plethora of tacky movies, per se, but because the topic has come up with my friends lately. I think sometimes because we do not have a personal connection with the author of a blog post, we often forget that they might have a personal reason for writing it. Believe me, I would love to post all about other movies and why we shouldn't see them, but if I did that for every movie that came out, that is all my blog would be filled with.
DeleteSecondly, again I agree with you, that a woman would have to consent to this type of violent behavior in this intimate setting. So if she agrees with it in the movie, I don't necessarily think that is abuse. What I DO think, however, is that this type of movie could get the ball rolling in our society for acceptance of what you said yourself is now a "taboo" topic. We are already perverting what God intended to be sacred so much, so in my opinion, adding self pleasing & degrading sexual acts to that list (whether the woman agrees or not) is only going to pervert it even more. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are in your 30's or older like I am, you would probably remember the "good ole days" of The Andy Griffith Show and The Brady Bunch. We've come so far from those times and it scares me to think where movies like this will lead us for my children's generation.
I am an 18 year old female. I am not religious, in fact I'm probably defined as Agnostic. The only reason I ended up here was because it was shared by a friend on Facebook. BUT, I can see your point and I agree that 50 shades is (not only a poorly written book by a below average writer) that it is problematic. Although I can't really agree with your views on BDSM. Personally, I have no problem with BDSM when done safely and correctly. BDSM is sexual, it usually doesn't leak into a couples everyday lives. You can be into BDSM and still be in a wonderful, loving relationship. Its just something to do with sexual taste.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with 50 shades is that it isn't really BDSM (they do many things that a person into proper BDSM would consider unsafe and wrong). It is a domineering man wanting to control someone weaker. It normalizes abusive behavior and molestation (you'll know what I mean if you've read the books). It IS NOT a love story, you're right. And you dong have to be a "prude", as a previous anon so eloquently put, to understand that normalizing abuse is disgusting.
Thank you for your comments and for shedding some more light on the book for those of us who haven't read it.
DeleteWait... you haven't even read it? How can u judge it then?
DeleteHi. I am assuming that you haven't seen my answer for this question in other comments.
Delete"I gave my opinion on the movie trailer and what I assume the movie will be about. I state many times in my post that I never read the book."
I can definitely give my opinion on the damage I think a movie will do based on the trailer. You also have to be hiding under a rock to not hear other things that are in the movie. I heard an interview that said the movie has 25 straight minutes of just sex scenes. I have read articles where the actors were interviewed, and also this wonderful post that quotes sentences from the book such as:
He responds: "You are coming back to my apartment even if I have to drag you there by your hair."
Christian warns her: "If you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday."
I don't think I need to read this book to know my opinion on it. Thanks for the comment though.
Beginning in elementary school, and, continuing consistently throughout middle school, high school, and now at one of the most respected universities in the nation, I have never been able to thoroughly and accurately report on a book in which I have not read.
ReplyDeleteGood point, Derek. But actually, I gave my opinion on the movie trailer and what I assume the movie will be about. I state many times in my post that I never read the book. Which University do you attend? University of Texas? (I think I gathered from your blog) .. I also attended and graduated from a respected university 10 years ago. Texas A&M University. Lastly, I enjoyed looking through your photography. You are very talented. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
DeleteI haven't seen the movie yet, but I have read all the books and it is a love story. If you had read it you would know. Different people get to love by different ways. It takes all three books to get the complete story.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your opinion.
DeleteHi, just wanted to revisit your comment because I stumbled upon another article about the book today from someone who DID read it. She highlights all of the themes of abuse. Apparently, here are some things in the book:
DeleteHe responds: "You are coming back to my apartment even if I have to drag you there by your hair."
Christian warns her: "If you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday."
Ana tells him that she doesn't want sex and would rather talk. "'No,' I protest, kicking him off." ..he replies with these words: "If you struggle, I'll tie your feet, too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you. Keep quiet."
"Quite frankly, I'm looking forward to the next time my palm is ringing with pain. You're obviously not listening to the right part of your body. Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone - remember?"
and that's a.... LOVE.... story....???
source:http://theramblingcurl.blogspot.com/2014/02/fifty-abusive-moments-in-fifty-shades.html
The story also reveals how he was abused and that led him to some of these behaviors and after falling in love and many ups and downs and some professional help it changes him (Christian) for the better. This does not mean i am taking sides or agree with the all the behavior in the books but i have read all 3 and there is a bigger picture to the story than some of you are seeing
DeleteHi there! Thank you for commenting. I have actually heard that several times, that he ends up "changing" and that there is a bigger picture. While I DO have compassion on people who have had traumatic things happen in their childhood (I know first hand how that feels) and I believe wholeheartedly in mercy and redemption of a person, I also have to ask myself one question. If my daughter started dating a man who said these things to her: "I will drag you by the hair", " there is no place to run, I will find you", "don't try to resist me" (basically I am going to rape you) , etc, and she came and told me that he got help and changed how would I feel? I think I would say, well that is great. I wish him all the best in his future relationships, hopefully NOT with you. As someone who has worked as a legal advocate and law enforcement liaison for women and children of domestic violence and sexual assault, I have seen men go to anger management, rehab, whatever they need (and women too!) and change their lives. It is a wonderful thing, but it doesn't always mean that the woman (or man) should stay in that relationship because of how unhealthy it was. I have also experienced an abusive relationship first hand, and the fact that he was also beaten and abused as a child makes me UNDERSTAND the dynamic better, but doesn't give him a free pass to do so. There are many, MANY people in this world that have had horrible things happen to them, but they do not grow up to be abusers, stalkers, rapists, etc. In fact, I would bet about 80-90% of criminals in jail had bad childhoods. So, despite the fact that in an interview it says that this movie has 25 straight minutes of just sex and I feel like that would be pornographic, I also believe, just in my opinion, that despite the fact that he changes and turns into a "good guy" , this is going to send the wrong message for a lot of young people out there today. Sorry, I've rambled enough. I appreciate you making me think that through further though.
DeleteTheresa, I just wanted to encourage you and say that I've seen your blog post being shared multiple times in my facebook newsfeed. I'm not sure if you can see how many times your blog has been linked to, but many people are finding truth in it! Thanks for taking the time to share your heart with other Christian women.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for your encouraging words, Kaitlyn! I can't see how many times it has been shared, but google blogger does tell me that it has been viewed 10,699 times since I posted a link to it on Sunday so I can only assume that it is spreading fast! If even a handful of people rethink going to see this movie, I would be thrilled.
DeleteAs a mother i am deeply concerned about this Movie/books as well. This is about a domineering man wanting to control a female (someone's world, there beautiful daughter). It normalizes abusive behavior and molestation. This IS NOT a "LoVE" story I want our daughters or sons to think is okay. I would hate our daughters to think this is what men really want and I would hate to think this is how our sons should act as well.
ReplyDeleteYou are right! I have had several comments trying to tell me that this IS a love story, and that there is no ABUSE, but this article from someone who has read the book says it all. http://theramblingcurl.blogspot.com/2014/02/fifty-abusive-moments-in-fifty-shades.html
DeleteThank you, Theresa, for displaying Galations 5:22&23 in your comments. I agree with and appreciate your blog, but even more so appreciate the fruits of the Spirit that show forth in your attitude. Keep shining for the Master!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragement, Lori! :-)
DeleteI appreciate your thoughts and the gracious way you handled those who 'commented.' Thank you for being a brave example to me!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words! I knew I would get some of these kind of comments with such a controversial post. It comes with the territory, I suppose!
DeleteWell said, beautiful lady - the original post and your responses to all the comments. Keep up the good work! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you very much!
DeleteWonderfully written, Theresa. I'm a Christian sexual integrity educator in Orlando, and I thought you did a wonderful critique on the trailer and themes of the book. We don't have to expose ourselves to the entirety of this filth in order to give a well thought out commentary on it. Thank you for what you're doing, and for your gracious responses to those who have respond hatefully. You are in good company - the company of Christ! Be encouraged!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words! And thank you for what you do, I know that has to be a challenging, yet very rewarding profession.
DeleteThank you for this post!! I don't know if you have heard of another movie that is coming out on Valentines day called Old fashioned it is about a courtship relationship that honors God in contemporary America here is the website
ReplyDeletehttp://www.oldfashionedmovie.com/
Thank you again for your post !!
God bless
Wow, this statement wrecks me. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHow dare we be entertained by the things that sent Christ to the Cross?